I had high hopes this morning. I rolled out of bed with a smile on my face and my shoulders felt light. I was ready to take on the world. I had plans, and I was super excited about getting to bless someone I don’t personally know today. First, I was going to grab a pre-made green smoothie from the fridge and use the instant energy to re-arrange and clean up my office to make the space even more efficient. Then I’d check Facebook and email, handle a few support tickets, and start on my curriculum for Thursday’s Kindle in 30 Challenge training. Then I’d run over to the post office and mail out the top prizes for my recent affiliate contest. Then I’d conduct today’s Q&A group coaching call for the Kindle Challenge, then head over to karate tonight and relax to enjoy the few days we have left of our Christmas tree in front of the fire place.
“Stuff” always goes according to plan, right?
I grabbed the smoothie and packaged up the prizes to mail. Then I saw I had a Skype message from my VA, so I checked it. Nothing hugely important. Since I was already at my desk, I figured I’d catch up on Facebook. I instantly saw someone on Facebook to choose for my 2014 Giving Project and started researching her “Likes” to send her a gift through Facebook (they make it uber convenient to send gifts now!). I got all excited until I looked over at my laptop and noticed I had new emails. No biggie, I’ll just run through them really quick.
A few people hate me. A few more people blame me for their technology issues. Someone else is upset because of more issues beyond my control. Look, in 2011 I lost my family. In 2012 I tried to recover. In 2013 my websites (pretty much my entire business) were all hacked and we’re still recovering from it. So I’ve been through hell, OK?
And going through hell over and over again doesn’t make it any easier when people are mad at you, hide behind their computers and attack you over… and over… and over again.
I started to feel like the blubbering idiot they think I am. And a complete disaster.
So to talk myself out of the fact that I AM an idiot (aren’t we all at one point or another? I mean, there’s no way we’re all good at everything) I decided to write this post. And this post will be the beginnings of the inside story of me. What goes on inside my head. Yes, I’m successful. Yes, I’ve built a six-figure business. Yes, I work my tail off to make everyone happy and some of them will still hate me. If there’s anything I’ve learned, this picture (you may have seen it before) speaks total truth:
I can choose to believe I’m a blubbering idiot and complete disaster. Sure sometimes I do choose that, for a few minutes. Or I can choose to let those nasty comments and unhappy people who won’t be happy no matter what I do for them roll off my back, press on, and focus on the hundreds of people who say I uplift and encourage them each day.
For those of you who support me, thank you. I’m not perfect, even if you think I am. I’ve had my struggles with depression. This year I’m going to strive to show you more of who I really am on the inside. The fun, the silly, and yes, sometimes the not-so-pretty.
The fact is I’m real. I’m human.
And so are you. Forgive yourself for the mistakes people will beat you in the ground over. Distance yourself from those people. Stand up for what’s right, and for yourself.
That’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Photo courtesy Shutterstock, Stock-Asso
Frank DaleyJanuary 8, 2014
Kristin, don’t worry. You are doing your best and your best appears very good indeed.
Recall what Winston Churchill said:
“When you are going through hell, keep going.”
Tracy TennantJanuary 8, 2014
I’ve been reading the book “APE Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur” by Guy Kawasaki. One of the things he wrote is: “Understand the numbers. If Mother Theresa were on Google+, Facebook, or Twitter, some people would complain about her posts. The vast majority of people probably like what you’re posting, so don’t let a few orifices ruin your day or cause you to lash out.” One of the reasons I’m afraid to publish books is because I haven’t developed a thick skin. Maybe having a thick skin would decrease our humanness; after all, those who love and feel the most deeply, get hurt the most. It’s kind of a package deal. All of us need to remember that “experts” are people too, and they don’t have all the answers. Whether it’s the bumbling clerk at the bank, the crabby cashier at the store, the” incompetent” webmaster, or the “idiot” driving in front of us on the road, we need to realize with soberness that we don’t know their personal situations. I have to remind myself of that when I get impatient. I say to myself, “Maybe they had a bad day, or their spouse just asked them for a divorce, or they’re going through bankruptcy, or they were abused, or they have a teenager making destructive choices, or they accidentally ran over their cat on the way to work. I would be a bumbling, crabby, incompetent idiot too under those conditions.” Likewise, even the people who lash out at us–saying mean things and being unkind–have issues too. It’s easy for me to get indignant and hurt over something someone says or writes about me, but maybe in their own pain–in their own private lives–they have hurts, frustrations, challenges, self-esteem issues, or just a tragic lack of character. Maybe they really were raised in barns . When I think about that, I feel compassion for them, even though I’m still hurt by their words. Kristen, you’ve been successful because you’ve believed in yourself, and you kept getting up after falling and failing. I would rather follow a “failure” who keeps trying than a person who succeeds because he’s always had it easy. Someday, when people who always succeeded (maybe by running over everyone else) reach the level of their incompetence, they’ll come crashing down and not know what to do next, because they’ve never really had to try before. They have no idea what true success is. True success is the result of not giving up. Maybe I’ve gotten off-track a little; but my goal is to encourage you. I can relate to your self-deprecation. There’s a danger in playing negative self-talk tapes in our heads. The danger is that we might mentally beat ourselves up so badly that we just give up because we start to believe everyone would be better off without us. You are an inspiration to me. If it wasn’t for a serendipitous chain of events that led me to your Ultimate Book Publishing website, I would not have finished writing my book. When I had a question months ago, and first contacted you, you actually took the time to write back. I can’t tell you how much that personal response meant to me. It had been almost a week without a response from you (due to some email and server issues), and I was about to take to take that as yet another sign that I wasn’t meant to write a book. Then you wrote back. That little gesture on your part, which you probably thought nothing about, made all the difference in the world! I’m so sorry about the loss of your family. Keep your light shining; many people need to see it, including me.
Tracy Tennant recently posted…Using the KISS Principle to Reduce Holiday Stress
Pat SmithJanuary 8, 2014
Kristin, if you take nothing else away from that sucky day, hold this close to your heart. You have created a wonderful group of excited, enthusiastic, warm, friendly and mutually supportive aspiring writers who are happily following your excellent lead and helping each other across some unfamiliar territory. I’ve found more joy and self-belief in your group than I ever have in any other writer’s group, and that flows from you and your team.
So, while it’s not easy to do, ignore the permanently unhappy idiots and don’t let their negativity color your self perception. Whenever you need to be reminded of all the good you do and how much you mean to 99.9% of the people who are associated with you, just visit your Facebook group. We’ll gladly remind you how much we love and esteem you, and how very important you are to us as a leader and teacher, and as a human being.
Marie MoneysmithJanuary 9, 2014 Pat Smith
What Pat Smith said! You’re doing a wonderful job. Several times a day I marvel at how lucky I’ve been to find you and this terrific group. Those negative comments say more about the person making them than they do about you and the course.
Rebecca HolmanJanuary 8, 2014
As Lincoln wisely said, and believe me, he was much maligned in his time, it was the Civil War after all and he was being blamed for destroying the country.
“You can please some of the people some of the time all of the people some of the time some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.”
― Abraham Lincoln
Another way to look at it Kristen is
“The higher the monkey climbs up the tree, the more his ass is exposed.”
It is good to vent, now move forward.
Ruth Anne WoodJanuary 7, 2014
Kristen, if we turned up the volume on our criticism on our inner child/artist/entrepreneur many of us would come close to being charged with child abuse and domestic violence. It’s indeed our home and we humans have much to be grateful. Hey there’s later today and tomorrow to start again.
Ruth Anne Wood recently posted…12 Magical Steps To Make Resolutions Come True with Michael Craig
MargiJanuary 7, 2014
Kristen, from what I have seen of you so far, and from your colossal success in so many fields, you are far from your momentary image of yourself, You seem to be a veritable dynamo with incredible energy, with a lovely fun nature too. I am looking forward to sharing some of It! M x
MaryAnnJanuary 7, 2014
Thanks so much for showing-up and being authentically you!
You’re the “real deal” and it’s an an honor to know you and work together. Here’s to new beginnings!
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Kat SturtzJanuary 7, 2014
Kristen, you are “perfectly imperfect” by nature. Keep it that way!
Kat Sturtz recently posted…First step in overcoming procrastination is acknowledging your problem
Michelle Brigjt BrouwerJanuary 7, 2014
loved the blog!! found it so inspirational. You are a very talented young woman. Life always has a way of kicking us, But God promises us that with every trial He provides a way of escape. So very proud of you! Love you girl!
Lee CollinsJanuary 7, 2014
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all lived in the perfect little world those small people all believe we should live in? That last sentence isn’t even grammatically correct, so I’m sure someone will hate me for it. Who cares. Live and love and be happy. The only person whose job it is to like you, is YOU. All others can kick rocks.
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