One of the many reasons I love my husband… this morning my body decided around 4am it had finally had enough rest (after sleeping almost solid for five days as I fought a major upper respiratory infection, it’s about time… lol) and my brain woke up. I tossed and turned for about an hour, then he woke up at 5 and just started talking. Wide awake, we held each other and talked about everything from business goals, dreams & plans to personal plans, upcoming travel, how much in wonder we are of our personal growth over the past few years, how we’re always in a constant state of growth, exploration and pushing our own limits, and even threw out a couple personal growth challenges to each other.
We’ve had this friendship and accountability for each other in many ways for the last seven years as we grew the foundation of our friendship. And in the past two years it’s deepened and grown exponentially to the point that people ask, “How can you be together 24/7 and still LIKE each other?” How? Because we’re actually not together 24/7 even though it might seem like it. We still get our “alone” time and we do work… Sometimes late at night side-by-side on the couch like we were last night… Me launching a new program and him experimenting with art apps… Chatting and giving each other permission and space to be apart at the same time.
The secret to why it’s so amazingly wonderful is, we’re more than willing to do the tough work — in life, in business, and in our relationship. And that’s what it takes… For both people to be open and willing to accept responsibility for our own actions, to be open to feedback from trusted friends, advisors and most of all each other, and to finally stop living in Victimhood (where we both at one point in time had our own zip code) so we can take control of life and truly live. It’s all in the choices we’ve made as individuals… and these choices have made it possible for an amazing relationship we’ve been told is “rare” to have.
Why is it so rare? Partly I feel because people don’t give themselves permission to ask for what they really want. They settle. Then they blame others for their decision to settle. “It’s too hard.” “You don’t understand.” “I can’t control it.” Those are all excuses… Food for the victim mindset. The fact is even if the choice you face right now is rock bottom or digging an even deeper pit to crawl into, it’s still a choice. And once you step into the power of realizing everything is a choice and you are the one responsible for your own life, your own dreams, your own outcome, then you’ll discover true happiness, true delight, true joy! It starts with YOU!
You have to be the one to decide to stop settling for what “happens” to you and start taking responsibility in your part that screwed things up. You have to hold yourself accountable for your own life, and stop shifting blame for your circumstances to others. It’s got to be one of the most difficult lessons I ever learned, and once I did (and every time I’m reminded by my coach of this very fact when I slip into the old habit of blame), my life completely changed. I stopped crying myself to sleep at night. I made decisions for me, for my health, my happiness. And I took responsibility for those decisions whether they turned out good or bad. In some cases, I was called “selfish” by my family. I lost relationships… Very close relationships. I let people leave my circle of influence because I didn’t like the energy they directed toward me.
And then it happened… The unexpected.
It was only when I started taking responsibility for my own choices and realizing I had the power to choose that I gained the most amazing happiness, the most amazing man and the most amazing family when I wasn’t even looking for it. Would I do it all again? YES! Because realizing that I’m responsible for what happens to me, that nobody else has the power, but I make my choices (even if they’re bad vs. worse), gave me my power back. And you know what? That’s worth everything… Because finally I’m truly living. And I’m in a place where hopefully my life speaks as a bright shining example to you what’s actually possible. All you have to do is make the choice. It really is that easy. And yet it seems it’s the hardest thing in life to do.
To you who “gets” it, congratulations… You’re a member of the few who live life by your own terms. You’re the successful, the truly happy, the one that no matter what circumstance life throws your way, you have the ability to choose… And you exercise that ability.
If you don’t “get” it yet, that’s ok. This is life. It’s about growth. The reason we’re here is to grow, learn, expand our thoughts and knowledge and support each other. Start asking questions. Start exploring why you make excuses. Ask others to hold you accountable when you start shifting blame or sliding into Victimhood again. Because the most powerful thing you can do for yourself and those you love is finally take responsibility for your own life, your own choices, and make those choices. Once you do “get” it, you’ll see amazing clarity and blessing.
What are your thoughts? Are you living life by CHOICE or circumstance? Are you sick of life controlling you and ready to take control of your own life? Comment below.
(This post was inspired by Chapter 2 in the book The Oz Principle.)