I QUIT!

That’s how I started my day. I woke up, rolled over under my comfy, warm sheets, groaned at the sun peeking through the blinds and said, “I quit!”

Somehow I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. A sense of dread came over me and a voice in my head warned me not to look at my email before breakfast. So what did I do? My curiosity got the better of me and I looked at my email. Of course. Naturally.

Quitter’s Takeaway #1: Listen to your intuition. It’s probably whispering advice to you for a reason!

The first thing I saw was a bunch of junk mail I could delete. No problem. I got this. I could even handle this before breakfast. Feeling better, I kept scrolling. Then I saw it. A notify from PayPal that someone hated me. That I’d been defiled. Violated. Screwed over. My mind totally just went there… and I didn’t know how to stop the downward spiral. The message from a very angry customer glared at me as though I was the most horrible person on the internet and I, little me, was solely responsible for her life’s misery.

My intuition told me this wasn’t true… that the person writing the message didn’t even know who I was or how many people I’d helped publish books, so she clearly had another issue causing her to get upset, but I have a habit of ignoring my intuition so I did what I’d trained myself to do… I ignored it.

And while at this point I’d pulled myself out of bed, all I wanted to do was run back under those covers and hide.

See, I’m a creator. I put a piece of myself (sometimes it feels like all of myself) into every course I create and every book I write. While my head knows not to take things angry people say personally, my heart often finds itself spiraling down the Taken-Personally Staircase before I’ve even realized I’m falling. And stumbling on those last few steps trying to get my balance is next to impossible.

Quitter’s Takeaway #2: Try not to take it personally when someone lashes out at you with hate. Chances are, they’re the ones with issues, not you.

In examining the history of the above disgruntled customer, I discovered she wrote her life story to my support staff and even my JV partner. In her message she shared every reason why she was not responsible for her own buying decisions. From illness to “high pressured sales pitches,” she named it all.

And that made me angry. Because not only was she self-admittedly not willing to take responsibility for her own actions, but she also attacked my support staff who tried to help her, my business partner who tried to help her, and me personally. And I really, really, really don’t like it when my friends are attacked.

This encounter made me crawl back under those warm covers and start to deeply reflect on myself. Where did I go wrong? Was there anything else I could do? Was this someone I’d need to fight or should I just refund her and let her go? What’s the bigger issue? Is there a bigger issue? And the questions continued on and on and…

Quitter’s Takeaway #3: Ask the questions. ALL of them.

Ultimately these questions led down a rabbit hole of self-discovery that encouraged me to look deeper within myself, and I found an astounding connection. See, I’ve been leveling up in my business over the last year. And every level up comes with its share of growing pains. And growing pains hurt. BAD. They often make me want to quit. And so I do, for an hour, a day, sometimes more than a day. Then I get back to it. Because there’s usually something more at stake. Something bigger within me clawing its way to the surface to be exposed and dealt with. And this connection I made was with a big, bad, ugly fear that’s been holding me back for months…

Quitter’s Takeaway #4: Face it. Whatever “it” is.

I dove deep. I’m talking past-the-bottom-of-the-ocean-beyond-the-lava deep. I journaled. I cried. I shouted. I asked, “WHY?” And it wasn’t, “Why does this person hate me?” or “Why does this always happen to me?” Instead, I asked the fear, “Why don’t you come up so I can see the source of your ugliness and root you out of my mind and life?” And it did. It came to the surface in a stomach-just-entered-my-throat kind of way. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Facing fear isn’t for wussies.

My fear wasn’t just that I’d been violated. Stolen from. Ridiculed. Slandered. No, my fear went much deeper than that to the source of rejection. Something I’ve dealt with since I was an infant. Something that’s always been the foundation of why I jump in and take on others’ pain. Why I take up offense when others are wronged. And why I felt so strongly the “righteous anger” to stand up for what I thought was right. And I finally discovered what I need to do to let the rejection go.

Quitter’s Takeaway #5: Don’t quit. Just let it go.

Sing with me now… “Let it go, let it go…” Now that my theme song from 2015 is stuck in your head, let’s explore the lyrics further. My favorite part of the song, the part I belt out at the top of my lungs… “The fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all! It’s time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through.” And when I started facing those fears, bringing them to light, crying over my loss as to what to do with them once they were illuminated, and the discomfort having them gone would temporarily bring as I got used to a new state of “being,” suddenly I discovered limits in myself to test. Ways to break through. And the fact that I DO have something valuable to offer. I DO have knowledge people are willing to pay for. I CAN help save people time, money, energy, etc. with my extensive years of business, marketing and publishing training.

And if I feel like I need to quit, all I really need is to take a break, let it go, realize the truth of who I am and my value, then dive back in and keep making a difference.

You may be facing insurmountable decisions in life, your career, your business, your writing, whatever. We all do. It’s part of being human. And sometimes that means we do need to quit, for a time. But you don’t have to live in Quittersville. You can choose to get up, brush yourself off, face the discomfort of your fears, grow past the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical position you’re in now, and become a more powerful YOU. I encourage you, don’t quit!

Need a pick-me-up, a clarity call, a good old-fashioned “You’re freaking awesome” ass-kicking? Schedule your one-on-one laser session with Kristen Joy at KristenOnDemand.com and get the shot of motivation you need today!

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  • Carri Pattison
    January 27, 2016

    Oh, this is why I hate social media…all the people that love to hate, just waiting in cyberspace to pounce, and transfer their bad feelings about themselves onto you. Piece of advice…if you let them get to you, they win. Don’t forget, this is the #1 reason there’s a “delete” feature built into your inbox.

    Reply
  • Jamie
    January 27, 2016

    You only have to look at your own, and your students’ books to know you are successful. I am getting ready to print (after tweaking and a launch campaign) my book from the “Kindle in 30 Challenge.” More importantly, you have more than financial and business success. You have someone with whom to share those life moments and dreams that are really important. I know you realize the person who most recently attacked you is miserable. Sadly she may never have the courage to escape her personal imprisonment! Show her unconditional love, refund her, bless her and release her! You will have done all you can!

    Reply
  • Renee
    January 27, 2016

    Refund her money. Disgruntled customer can do more harm than a happy customer can do good .
    Dr. Renee Michaels

    Reply
  • Cassandra Ardoin
    January 27, 2016

    It doesn’t really matter what form the “hate” takes, whether it’s balls-on blatant or very sophisticated and passive-aggressive. The psychology is all the same. And stuff like that is inherently included in the invitation that you sent out when you took the chance to evolve (read, love) your creative self. So, you get out of bed each day and start over. You share who you are becoming because you are a decent soul even though you know not everyone will notice or agree. But, hey, Ninja. You got her attention, right? This kinda pain is just another opportunity for YOU to grow your business. So, there!

    Reply
  • Lisa
    January 26, 2016

    Dear Kristen

    I feel you are are on the precipice of a whole new beginning!

    It takes courage to not only go for your dreams, but to risk rejection in putting your creations out into the world even if it’s purely for others to be helped by, and, to look at you own fears as well as those who are unable to look at their own.

    You are so strong 🙂 So beautiful 🙂 So powerful 🙂

    Bless your great big heart that feels so small in this passing moment. You know who you are and those of us who walk the path you do, all know, as well.

    The work you are doing is not for the timid or the shy. Who you really are is bright, bold and bountiful.

    By taking your fellow followers by the hand, even when they are unable to look at the their own fears, by showing them how it’s done, you are a shining example of what the world needs now.

    My hat is off to you as I bow to your integrity and courage…

    You are a TRUE leader!!!

    Thank you for sharing your tender heart 🙂
    Lisa

    p.s.
    Your work has helped me so much and I am so exited now about writing my books !!! Woohoo! Thanks for your courses :)))

    Reply
  • Doug Limon
    January 26, 2016

    Thank you for all you do!

    Reply
  • Sue
    January 26, 2016

    The first time I tried to publish a children’s book through various publishing houses I was confronted with rejection even though there was praise mixed in with the thinking. This client you are addressing in this post was obviously upset and taking emotions to
    an extremely unhealthy level.

    I can see how this aggressive personality type could be trying to get the best of you by using hurtful words to get their point across. However this dialogue could certainly be used in a book since it makes for good reading. Just an opinion though.

    Reply
  • Suzann Grogan
    January 26, 2016

    Wow, I needed to hear that today! Sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone. (Maybe it’s the time of year?) Your advice to let it go and take a break rather than fully quit is spot on. And regarding the sorry person who found you and your staff to be her perfect scapegoats … well, karma has a way of getting even. Maybe someday she will evolve enough to realize that.

    Reply
  • Dee
    January 26, 2016

    Love it Woman! Keep on keeping on… It’s YOUR path and PERCEPTION is what’s going on! Hers! And that generally has a lot of”baggage” attached to it that we don’t have control of. Forgive her. And YES, absolutely YES, it’s not YOURS to take on. Love you Lady! Thanks for sharing – and learn that word “PERCEPTION” – it’s very very personal but not you, it’s personal to them and has a whole lot to do with where they are at, at the time they hear what you are saying, and it’s filtered thru their lense. I read a great book years ago when I was in college. It’s called “Who do They see when They see you coming?” I believe the author was Steve Godin (not sure if that last name). – That was YEARS ago but I NEVER forgot it and it was such a valuable LESSON! I hope my name STICKS in someone’s mind like that someday – the value of his book at that time in my life was tremendous and I Talk about it in my teaching.
    Have a GREAT DAY!

    Reply
  • Levity Laughing Star
    January 26, 2016

    Wise woman wrote that blog!! Looked at herself and said, ” I’m going to learn from this!!” And she did, and she was brave and compassionate enough to share… A thousand thanks Ninja Joy!!

    Reply
  • Susie Miller, The better Relationship Coach
    January 26, 2016

    Great article Kristen! I love that song and often sing that same part at the top of my lungs…especially when I am scared or feeling the arrows and stings of haters.
    One of my mentors used to say, “New level…New devil” as a way to remember that upleveling our business will create backlash. You have helped countless folks achieve their dream of being an author. Cling to that truth and as for the lies… Let is go!

    Reply
  • Rhonda Edwards
    January 26, 2016

    Thank you for sharing such a personal and difficult event in your life. That takes courage! To face it in the open for others to see, makes me respect you even more. And it helps others to face their Very Bad No Good Days.
    I believe we can either adopt pessimism or perseverence as we we journey through this life. As I near the 60 mark in my life, I realize most people don’t know they have the power to choose. You have chosen perseverence! Yea !!!
    Keep your head up and follow your Dreams.
    Rhonda

    Reply
  • Virginia
    January 26, 2016

    Kristen – it seems that you decided to quit allowing your ‘downer voice’ to rule your mind and emotions when somebody spills their ickiness into your life. Let it go is such a good phrase for many circumstances. Seldom is anything that dire and certainly not life threatening. Stepping back to re-asses is not quitting for anyone.

    Reply
  • Katy
    January 26, 2016

    Thanks, Kristen. Good advice, and very hard to follow in the face of ugly, vindictive people. You rock.

    I’ve been blocked at facing the work ahead to write another novel–well anything in a literary vein. Before taking your class, I would wake up every morning and beat myself up for being a creative loser. I needed to step away from the pressure of that sort of writing, do something to prove myself to myself again. Your class and my project turned out to be my “I quit.” What a joy this side road has been. My journal project just went to CS and LSI. “Proof” is in the mail. 😉

    Thank you for creating the class and being there, with your terrific staff, every step of the way.

    Sunshine on your shoulders…

    Reply
  • Liz
    January 26, 2016

    Sorry you had to go through that. Your videos and downloadable PDFs pack so much information that I have to read and watch them 4 to 5 times just to be able to digest AND apply the information. Talk about a steep learning curve and then I still have to post questions on our Facebook group.

    I have bought several Kindle courses and Mastermind groups and yours is one of the few I would recommend and endorse. Your enthusiasm and your comments have kept me from quitting. Thanks!

    Reply
  • David Anderson
    January 26, 2016

    Thanks for sharing this. We all have our demons to wrestle. It takes courage to face them. It takes even more courage to force them to face you. Our personal demons are like bullies. When you listen to them in the dark, they grow stronger. When you stand tall and expose them to the light, they run away in fear.

    Reply
  • Nate
    January 26, 2016

    Thanks! Unsure how we got connected, but glad that we did. Make the adjustments, as I am doing in my second retirement, and then move on. Keep the posts coming, as I will pay more attention to yours than most.

    Reply
  • Ira Walzer
    January 26, 2016

    Thank you … Your last email just spoke to my heart.. I’m struggling with finishing my book , well for 5 years now . I’ve gone on to other projects but the big picture that needs to be addressed is still looming in the darkness. ). It keeps resurfacing until I address it
    He is to being kind to ourselves and one another, and moving on thank you again

    Reply
  • Nina Potter
    January 26, 2016

    Dear Kristen,
    I always wondered how “Award Winning” blog posts are chosen and now I understand. This is raw, honest, and very helpful (oh, and well written as well :-). Anyone who has been putting their own personal energy into their work has experienced this ‘doubt’. I love your message here.
    Blessings and Thank You for sharing this and NOT quitting. The world needs You!,
    Nina

    Reply
  • Wanda
    January 26, 2016

    Girl! You’ve thought it through well, now keep believing in yourself the way your fans believe in you!

    Reply
  • Carol Lesner
    January 26, 2016

    I really needed that this morning Kristen. Thank you. I need to get off my personal pitty pot and kick myself in the rump and keep moving forward. It helps to know that someone like you can have those times in their lives as well as I do.
    Personally I know that everything you put out their has been awesome. Don’t let the naysayers get you down. They’re not trying, just buying and blaming someone else for their shortfalls. Thanks again for the inspiration.

    Reply
  • Laura
    January 26, 2016

    Rock on!

    Reply
  • Gigi
    January 26, 2016

    Good word today Kristen. I love how you circled back, took a break and a deep breath, reminded yourself that your work is valuable and some may not see the value and that has to be okay. If you know you are doing what you are called to do, then the haters and the judges will just have to wallow in their own stuff while get up, wipe it off and move forward.

    We all have fears like this. I so relate to the rejection feeling and wanting to clean up everyone else’s stuff while I may not be smelling my own. I truly get it!

    I want you to know I appreciate all you have done to kickstart me on the call on my life to create life-giving journals. Thank you for doing what you do. And thank you for choosing NOT to quit and let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch.

    Bless you today with a cyber hug and a smile on your face.

    Reply
  • Hilary
    January 26, 2016

    Hi Kristen – powerful post .. and I can understand how you must feel – having your identity stolen, your ideas mashed to pieces, your friends and fellow business partners besmirched too .. but you have so much to offer the world and us. So good to see the message and to see and know you are still there.

    Thank you for all you do .. cheers Hilary

    Reply